Let the Leaves Fall
by Aki Midori
Summary: Outside, the leaves were falling... one by one, slow and steady. Inside that white-washed house, tears were shed. Hearts were broken.


Let the Leaves Fall  
  
by aki midori  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Warning: Shounen ai. Sap, I think. Another experimental fic, so this would turn out different from others.   
  
Pairing: RuSen   
  
Archives: +crucifixum+, Zero Hour, FF.Net, AxKML, SenRu Central, SenRu Journals by default.   
  
Summary: One by one, the leaves of the great oak tree fell- slowly and steadily. Day by day, his hope to be loved by one man seemed to fade. Because his love wasn't enough, he decided to let go...  
  
Blah:   
  
This one's written for the RuSen Fic Challenge for RuSen day. I was the catalyst of that challenge, so it's only fair that I should write one, ne? I have an other fic called 'Anniversary'. It's a humor fic and it's supposed to be posted along with this fic, but I still have to edit it, so it'll be posted some time in the near future. Maybe along with Celibacy Chapter 13.   
  
Enjoy the fic! Happy RuSen day!!!   
  
diScLAimErs:  
  
All characters, unless otherwise stated are property of Inoue Takehiko. If I owned them, Sendoh and Rukawa would have kissed right on the first episode.   
  
----------------------------------  
  
Let the Leaves Fall   
  
Outside the leaves were falling... One by one, slow and steady.   
  
Outside, the wind blows... soft and calm. Soothing.   
  
Outside, the birds were singing.   
  
  
  
Outside, the sun is shining.   
  
Outside...   
  
Outside.   
  
From outside, one can see a single house- not too big and not too small; painted white and blue. Flowers were planted strategically, giving the house a homey atmosphere.  
  
Inside that house, it was quiet. Tranquil.   
  
Inside that house, tears have fallen.   
  
Inside that house, hearts were broken.   
  
In a single room, one man stands still at the center, his eyes surveying the place for the last time, tears kept at bay. His eyes fell on top of the fireplace and atop it, the pictures lay still- where his smile and the other's frown were forever frozen and framed.   
  
Inside...  
  
Inside.   
  
He walked closer to the pictures and ran his fingers over his lover's image with aching tenderness, touching one last time the framed face of a man he has given his heart and soul to. A single tear fell, a single sob escaped.   
  
"You never smile at all," he whispered. "I tried to make you, but somewhere along the way, I must have done something wrong because I failed. I'm sorry."   
  
The image never answered. And the tears fell steadily.   
  
"I love you," he said, picking one framed picture and cradling it in his hands with care. "I thought it was enough for the both of us, but apparently, it's not. I can't take this anymore, Kaede. I have to go. You must love me back. You can't love me back."   
  
If the image ever answered at all, would it even stop him from going? No, he would never know. It was just an image...   
  
For the real man was somewhere outside, dribbling a ball with a cold, empty heart, while he himself-  
  
He cried his heart out for a love that should have been.   
  
For a love that cannot be.   
  
"Good-bye, Rukawa Kaede," he whispered. For the last time, he ran his fingers over his lover's face. For the last time, he leaned in and kissed him.   
  
And he placed the picture atop the fireplace- face down.   
  
"Good-bye."   
  
Outside, the leaves were falling.   
  
---------------------------  
  
The house was empty- devoid of life and emotion... like him.   
  
Nothing changed... Nothing changed... The sofa was still plush and inviting at the center of the living room. The shelf was still at the corner, containing all of his and his lover's trophies. And there on top of the fireplace, the pictures lay still- his frown and the other's smile forever frozen and framed.   
  
One picture- the one taken on a bright sunny day wherein he had his arms around his smiling lover- lay faced down. He knew then, when he saw the picture, that Sendoh has left him for good. There would be no more 'them'. It's over.   
  
Nothing changed. Things lay still where they were last placed.   
  
But yet, there is a lingering sorrow... a feeling of pain- raw and unhealed, but he would not admit it.   
  
"I don't need you, you hear?!"   
  
His voice echoed, bounced through the walls and back to him... always back to him, stabbing him straight in the heart.   
  
"I don't need you," he seethed. "I don't need you."   
  
He walked into the kitchen and tried to fix himself some dinner. "I don't need you."   
  
The fridge was empty, save for a microwaveable meal. Quickly, he dumped it into his microwave and heated it. "I don't need you."   
  
The dining room was lifeless- so unusual, especially for one who used to eat with a chatterbox. No one was there to ask him how his day was, or how his practice went. No one was there to tell him that Coach Taoka was more evil than the devil itself. No one was there to tell him to eat more or 'he'll be as thin as a stick'. No one was there to dump more food into his plate, while he rewarded the caring act with a scowl and a spiteful lash.  
  
"I don't need you."   
  
The food was stale. No one was there to cook a perfect meal, all for him. No one was there to fuss over him, make sure he's comfortable while eating. No one was there... but,  
  
"I don't need you."   
  
His room was cold. The wind was chilly, and the moon seemed so cruel- glaring at him through the branches of the tree outside his window.   
  
The leaves were falling, one by one. The great oak tree, once adorned with leaves just as great, now has to succumb to nature's demands. It has to give way to winter- cruel, white, glittering snow, and harsh winds. Afterwards, the time would come for it to shine again. It was Nature's call... To move along with Time. To go on... and on...   
  
A vicious cycle.   
  
Inside, a man was curled up in his bed, denying the fact that he longed to have those arms wrapped around him.   
  
"I don't need you."   
  
But the wind blew stronger. Leaves flew into his room.   
  
"I don't need you."   
  
But he does... his heart called out for the words that Sendoh kept on whispering to him when the other thought he was asleep. His heart longed for his lover's touch, his lover's warmth. His heart longed for the other's undying love.   
  
"I don't need you."   
  
He never needed anybody, until that man came into his life. He was born alone... and he was ready to die alone. He was contented with his mundane life- wake up, take a bath, eat, basketball, go home, eat, take a bath, sleep. He doesn't need anybody. Nobody ever needed him.   
  
It was his firm belief... and slowly, the Ice encased his heart. The Ice clouded his vision. And it was all he could see... all he could feel.   
  
He never needed anybody, until that man came along... but he won't admit it.   
  
His pride, in the end, always won.   
  
And now... he was nothing. He has nothing- with only his useless pride to keep him warm. It wouldn't work, though, he knew. It never did.   
  
"I don't need you."   
  
And his eyes closed. And a tear fell.   
  
Outside, the leaves were falling.   
  
-------------------------------  
  
  
  
Outside, the leaves were falling.   
  
Inside, one man lay crumpled in his bed, crying his heart out... for a love that should have been.   
  
For a love that could not be-  
  
Because his heart was too cold.   
  
Because his pride was too powerful.   
  
"I don't need you," he whispered, accompanied by a sob. "I don't need you, Akira! Fuck you!"   
  
The man grew on him.   
  
At first, he accepted the man because he was a convenient companion. Cooked him food, kept him warm, kept his sex life active.   
  
It was all for the sake of convenience, but never because he liked the man back.   
  
The man kept on telling him that he loved himand he kept on giving the same reply,   
  
"I don't need you."   
  
But the man kept on saying that his love was enough for the both of them.   
  
He kept the man with him only because he was convenient to be with.   
  
Never because of anything else.   
  
But the man grew on him... crawled into his shielded heart unnoticed. And now he was alone. Forever left to nurse his once cold, unfeeling heart.   
  
Tears fell steadily- unnoticed. All he could see was a silver necklace with a cross pendant- Sendoh's gift for him.   
  
"Akira..."   
  
There would be no more Akira. Akira would not come back anymore because he hurt him deeply. He was too cold, when all Akira ever did to him is to love him too much. He was too proud to admit that he needed someone, so he pushed the man away.   
  
In the end... he was the loser. His pride all but left him shattered and broken. He wasn't so proud and strong after all. Sendoh has always been the strong one... for holding on no matter how hard it was to love him... for keeping faith.   
  
He, Rukawa Kaede, was weak. Fragile. In dire need of someone to love and care for him, but too proud to admit it.   
  
There were times when he himself would end things, saying he doesn't need Sendoh anymore, but Sendoh would hug him from behind, plead and beg for him not to leave.   
  
"I love you... don't leave me," Sendoh would always say, his head buried in his back. He would tell himself that he doesn't need Sendoh, that he could leave without looking back... but instead, he would just hug Sendoh and told him that he won't leave.   
  
Sendoh- a once-proud man, reduced to a begging lover.   
  
Sendoh- once a happy man, turned into a miserable partner... all because of him.   
  
Sendoh gave the world to him.   
  
Sendoh gave him all the love he'd ever need.   
  
But he let Sendoh go.   
  
"I'm sorry," Rukawa whispered achingly, kissing the cross over and over again. "I'm sorry."   
  
Broken, lifeless, lying on a crumpled bed...   
  
Rukawa finally admitted the truth. "Akira... I need you. I need you because..."   
  
The wind howled. His whispered words were never heard.   
  
Outside, the leaves were falling.   
  
---------------------------  
  
His heart was bleeding, his eyes were dead.   
  
"Kaede."   
  
A whisper, so soft, it felt like the wind. How he wished Rukawa could hear him. How he wished he was able to envelop the cold, yet fragile man in his arms once again. No one could love Rukawa like he could. No one...   
  
"I love you. I could make you happy, but you won't let me."   
  
But Rukawa would never hear him anymore.   
  
He left because he couldn't handle Rukawa's cold treatment anymore. He left because he couldn't get the love he wanted.   
  
He left because his love wasn't enough.   
  
He was tired of begging, anyway. Tired of being the one who always have to make the relationship work. He was tired of loving and not being loved in return.   
  
But he would never get tired of loving Rukawa.   
  
"All I ever asked for was for you to love me back..."   
  
He has to leave, though, because he had to salvage what little pride he has left. He gave Rukawa his everything- his heart, body, soul and pride... but all his gifts were coldly rejected. He had enough.   
  
"Though I love you so much, I have to let you go," Sendoh whispered in the wind.   
  
Sometimes, someone just had to let go, no matter how painful it is.   
  
Life went on. He picked up the remnants of his battered heart and tried to move on- got himself a small apartment, bought food for himself, tried to live life one day at a time. He knew somewhere, outside the place he used to call his home, the leaves are falling.   
  
Time continued to pass.   
  
And now... he was sitting in front of his window, watching the world go by. The moon was waning, its soft light casting a soft glow in his room. The wind was cool, the night was peaceful.   
  
And when he casted his gaze downwards, he saw him-  
  
Rukawa Kaede... the proud man of Shohoku- all broken and looking miserable. His shoulders were slumped, his eyes were cast downwards, and he...   
  
He was on his knees.   
  
The once-proud man of Shohoku... kneeling before him.   
  
Sendoh immediately ran downstairs and threw his front door open. He stayed where he was and waited for Rukawa to speak.   
  
"Akira... I'm sorry."   
  
Sendoh could only watch his former lover with tired eyes, unable to believe.   
  
"Akira, come home to me, please."   
  
If only Rukawa would say the words he longed to hear, he would gladly forget all his pain, and come home with him.   
  
"I'm tired, Kaede," he said softly, but loud enough for Rukawa to hear.   
  
Rukawa never stood up, but he slowly looked up and met Sendoh's wavering gaze. Sendoh was surprised at what he saw, then.   
  
Rukawa's eyes were shiny with unshed tears.   
  
"Please, Akira..." Rukawa begged. "Come home with me. I need you."   
  
Something tight clenched Sendoh's heart. How he longed to hold that begging man in his arms, tell him that he doesn't have to cry, that he doesn't have to kneel. How he longed to tell him that he would forgive him over and over again, for any mistake, if only he'd tell him the words he longed to hear.   
  
There would be no more charades. It's all or nothing. He had to stand for himself.   
  
"Need, Kaede?" Sendoh mocked, his voice soft, yet powerful. "You'd just use me again, just like that? Am I but a convenient companion, Kaede? I changed for you, Kaede. I was never a weak person, but I became one when I was with you. I was never pathetic... but because of you, I-"   
  
"I'm sorry," Rukawa sobbed out, trying so hard not to cry in front of the man he was trying to win back.   
  
"Sorry, Kaede?"   
  
"I'm sorry, Akira," Rukawa repeated. "Come back to me, please. I need you." Rukawa stood up now, and faced Sendoh, eyes pleading. "I need you because..."   
  
"Because what, Kaede?"   
  
"Because I love you."   
  
The tears fell.   
  
But the hearts were healed.   
  
Sendoh opened his arms and gladly welcomed the fragile man into his embrace. Rukawa kept on crying, rivulets of tears ran down his face as all the barriers broke, all Ice melted.   
  
Sendoh smiled, his tears now dry. "Hush now, Kaede. Come on... let's go home."   
  
---------------------------  
  
Outside, the leaves were falling.   
  
Outside the leaves were falling... One by one, slow and steady.   
  
Outside, the wind blows... soft and calm. Soothing.   
  
Outside, the birds were singing.   
  
  
  
Outside, the sun is shining.   
  
Outside...   
  
Outside.   
  
From outside, one can see a single house- not too big and not too small; painted white and blue. Flowers were planted strategically, giving the house a homey atmosphere.  
  
Inside that house, it was quiet. Tranquil.   
  
Inside that house, tears have fallen.   
  
Inside that house, hearts were broken.   
  
In a single room, one man stands still at the center, his eyes surveying the place with a new heart, tears kept at bay. His eyes fell on top of the fireplace and atop it, the pictures lay still- where his smile and the other's frown forever frozen and framed.   
  
  
  
He was home.   
  
But one picture- the one taken on a bright sunny day wherein Rukawa had his arms around him- lay faced down. Quietly, he walked over to the picture and replaced it with a new one.   
  
Rukawa had his arms around him, and they were both smiling. The picture was taken just earlier, when the two decided to go to the theme park and have some fun together- a first, since the beginning of their relationship.   
  
But they had a new start.   
  
They had a new life.   
  
"What are you doing there, koi?" Rukawa asked from behind, wrapping his arms around his older lover.  
  
"Hmm, nothing. Just changing the picture," he replied with a smile. "You're finally smiling here."   
  
"I guess I am."   
  
"And you're smiling now."   
  
"I wonder why..."   
  
Sendoh laughed and faced his smiling lover. "Yeah... I wonder why?"   
  
And he bent down to give Rukawa a kiss.   
  
Outside, the leaves kept on falling.  
  
One by one- slow and steady.  
  
********  
  
o.wa.ri  
  
********   
  
3 November 2003  
  
0036 H  
  
Okay... Finally done. It's a bit... fragmented, I know. Just experimenting with structures again. Hope you understood the relevance of the leaves. If not, give me a mail and I'd be happy to explain.  
  
Most of you pointed out that I'm always writing about a jerky Akira and a martyr-like and oppressed Rukawa. The wheels have turned in this fic.   
  
Drop me a line or two, okay?   
  
Oh, PS... didn't mean to plug, but for those who haven't read 'Crucified' yet, well, I'm inviting you to. Really different from all of my other works... ^_^  
  
Till next time,  
  
Aki-chan  
  
PPS...   
  
Added notes:   
  
Thanks a lot to my fellow AkiKaenians, as well as the other reviewers who mailed me. Your positive response to this fic is greatly appreciated. Thank you!   
  
09 November 2003 


End file.
